The Paladin 2
by Michellin Quavers
Summary: hehe, haven't thought the title through, huh? anyways, if Akire was a fish out of water in the world of the The Book of the Four Gods, wait till Tasuki invades HER world!
1. Tasuki in Amria!

Chapter 1: Tasuki in Amria!

Disclaimer: I'm only going to say this once, and I am not, under any circumstances, saying this again (because I'm too lazy), so listen up and listen good. I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or any characters related to it, esp. Tasuki.

The world can get pretty lonely when most of your friends are dead and two have gone to some other world. Well, at least Tasuki's lucky he's still got Chichiri on this hot, boring day somewhere near Mt. Leikaku. "Ahh, what happened to the old, wacky days when our lives were in constant threat and we had to run, jump, blast, fly, swim, duck, crush, bang, crash, bash, break, slash, hack, punch, kick and burn our way out of a mess?" the flame-wielding seishi said. Chichiri simply smiled and shrugged. "You're no fun!" Tasuki said, pouting. "All you do is smile and shrug all day! Say something!" Chichiri turned to face him and said, "Alright, Tasuki I…LOOK OUT!"

And just like that, Tasuki got his wish. Well, two wishes. First, Chichiri said something, and second, from that day on, safe to say his days would be far from boring.

"HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!"

Tasuki was then spat out by the wormhole onto a marble floor. He rubbed his aching back and took a good look around. "Oh, hell no, where am I?" he thought. The very large chamber turned out to be some kind of dining room, with a very long and very nicely painted table. Marble pillars from the floor to the ceiling were all around, and richly-dressed servants were bringing food to the table. He immediately hid behind one pillar and followed one servant who was headed up a staircase. He muttered to himself,

"I bet this place is as grand as Hotohori's palace, maybe even more!"

Along the way, he spotted large portraits of generations of rulers. The last one caught his eye. "That empress person really looks like…nah, couldn't be." He turned around and almost lost the servant. Quickly but quietly, he sprinted off after her. "Empress, the food is ready," the servant said. "Oh. Thank you then. I'll be down in a minute," was the reply.

Tasuki's eyes widened. That voice was strangely familiar. "No way!" he thought. "The portraits, the royal treatment, after all that, could she really be…this?" After the servant left, he went out of his hiding place and sneaked into the room. This room was half the size of the gigantic dining hall. A woman was combing her hair, wearing a very elegant violet robe. The woman's appearance (although she faced backwards from him) made her look very dainty. But the sword leaning against her chair was quick to dispel this image, as well as his doubt. After all, it was the same sword that was poking at his neck a long time ago. "'Chief of the Guard', yeah right!" he snickered.

The woman turned sharply, and in one fluid motion unsheathed her sword and positioned into a battle stance. But her ferocity was toned down as a look of recognition fell upon her. "You! YOU!" Her voice sounded angry, but her face betrayed her delight. "All this time, you tricky, tricky vixen, I should've known! All hail yer Highness!" Tasuki said, smiling as he clasped hands with a long-lost acquaintance, Akire.

"What ARE you doing here?" she then asked on their way to the dining hall. "Fell out of a hole," he said, shrugging. Hole? Akire, remembering the past events the last time they met, knew she didn't want to make the same mistake of hiding her abilities from him once more. "Okay, Tasuki, I've got to come clean on this one. Just take a seat and drink this all in." And here she rattled of everything, from her Paladin powers to their last meeting.

Breathing heavily after 5 whole minutes of talking, she said, "There, I said everything. So, are you angry at me?" Tasuki's mouth remained open (as it did while she was speaking), then he replied, "Darn straight I'm mad! You kept this from me for so long! Besides," he crossed his arms and continued, "how am I sure you ain't lyin' to me? Kinda far-fetched story ain't it?" Akire frowned and said, "Far-fetched? Your stupid iron fan spouts fire, and you call my powers far-fetched? You belong to a group of 'celestial warriors' worshipping some flaming bird and you call my powers far-fetched?" Tasuki stuck out his tongue and said, "Show me then."

"Show what?" she said.

"That teleportation-thingamajig-thing you said! Show me!"

"No! Why should I?"

"'Cuz I'll call you a friggin' vixen liar with an imagination gone wild if ya don't. Now show me!"

"You're such a stubborn kid, fang boy!"

"Show me show me show me!"

"Ugh, no way, fox demon."

"Then it's either yer powers aren't real, or they're really, really lame! Lame-o! Lame-o! Darn, knew my powers were cooler than some dumb girl's."

Akire glared at the smugly-smiling bandit, knowing that this round he had won the bout. Pride is always the most obvious thing to attack. Groaning, she rolled her eyes, as she stepped back. "You might want to move out of the way, Tasuki, or I'll make you drop out of another hole into a pile of dung." She rolled back her sleeves and raised her right hand, where the sapphire Ring gleamed from within. Pretty soon, a vertical spiral of light began growing in the middle of the room, white and blue hues dancing around the roof and the floor of the room. But a trace of red enveloped the gateway, and a malevolent wind ensued from it. The wind grew fiercer as it threw Akire across the room. Immediately, the reddening gateway sucked itself into nonexistence.

Panting heavily, she muttered, "That, that wasn't s-supposed to, to happen. My arm, feels like, like d-daggers of ice tore through it." Tasuki immediately helped her up. "What the hell was that?" he asked. Akire shook her head. "Whatever it is," she said, "it's sinister. I don't like this. Thanks for the help, but I can manage now. I better tell Daryll." Shrugging, Tasuki let go of her, sending her falling on her backside with a thud. "Darn it, should've watched what I said," she mumbled.

"Now who the heck is this?" Daryll frowned, staring at Tasuki. Akire said, "He helped me with Ikegai, what did you think? He's not my boyfriend." Tasuki's glance shot at her when he heard what she said. "She ain't my type! Heck, I don' wanna like a woman anyway!" he spat, pointing at her. Daryll brightened up and said, "Well, why didn't you say so? Hey, dude, sit yourself down there's a chair over there." Tasuki, shrugging, grabbed a chair and sat down.

Daryll took a remote out of his pocket, and after pressing a button, a large screen crackled to life in front of them. Tasuki, who obviously hasn't seen a monitor yet, almost jumped back in surprise. "What the heck is that?" he yelled, pointing his iron fan at it. Daryll's eyes narrowed as he looked at Akire. "Just…where EXACTLY did you meet this guy? Or should I say 'when'?" Akire, who instinctively pointed the fan somewhere else, said, "Um, he came from, eh, well, ancient China. Or someplace near. I think." Akire paused, and then said, "And who made you the boss of me anyway? I'm supposed to be the mistress in this place!"

So after a few more mutterings, Daryll twisted a few knobs and made adjustments to some kind of console in front of him. "Whoa! Major anomalies! Your buddy here's gonna be marooned in Amria for awhile, since it isn't that safe to jump dimensions. Besides, I don't think you can open any wormholes at present anyway. We'll have to try and solve the problem here." Akire and Daryll discussed their strategies, while the still confounded Tasuki scratched his head and gave the monitor a tap with his tessen. After a few minutes, Akire turned to Tasuki and said, "Well, my friend, you're stuck with me for a few days, since we can't figure out a way for you to go back to Mt. Leikaku or wherever you are supposed to be. Understand?" Tasuki, his face contorted in utter confusion, pointed at the screen and said, "But what the hell is that?" Akire sighed and slapped her forehead. "The next few days will be the looooooooongest of my life."

And so it was. For Akire, the next two days were spent on saying "Tasuki, don't touch that!" or "Get your hands off that vase or you'll break it!" and sometimes "Put that back, you kleptomaniac bandit!" For Tasuki, it usually was "oooh, whatsis?" or "Cool stuff! What do they do?" and more often than not (though Akire rarely sees it) "Hehe, can I have this for 'safekeeping'?" Needless to say, Akire got quite tired of chasing the "brat in a teenager's body" (as she oh-so-delicately puts it), so she just minded her own empress/Paladin business and surprisingly, she didn't hear expensive china crash or expensive valuables disappearing (except the occasional wine bottle).

For Tasuki's part, life in the palace with the "old nag in a teenager's body" (as he oh-so-delicately puts it) got a bit too boring for him, anyway. The servants got orders from Akire to give the red-head whatever he requested for (except for the wine, which was what he usually asked for, hehe), so he had no reason to do anything at all, and that was quite cramping his style. So off he went one day to Akire's room.

"Room service, open up!"

"You're not fooling anyone, Tasuki."

"Bed an' breakfast, open the damn door!"

"Not listening…"

Tasuki rubbed his chin, and then got an idea. He cleared his throat and said in a low voice, "Akire, are you there? It's Hotohori. Can you tell me where I am?" To his utter delight, footsteps were heard rushing to the door. "Darn good Hotohori impression," he snickered, as Akire opened the door and gasped, "Hotohori! I'm here! Don't go anywhere! Hotohori? Ahh…yeah, laugh it all out, fang-boy, laugh it all out while I stuff my sword down your gullet."

So later, inside her room, Akire sat behind an oak table while Tasuki stood up. He banged his fist at the table and said, "Gimme somethin' to do." Akire raised an eyebrow. "What if I asked you to clean this place, run some errands and practically treat you like a servant, or perhaps something a bit more degrading?" "NO EMBARRASING STUFF!" Tasuki spat, baring his fangs, "Don't you go smart-alecky on me, woman! You know what I mean!" Akire rubbed her temples and sighed. "No I don't, mister. I don't like people who beat around the bush, by the way." The fang-boy scratched his head and said after a while, "Ain't there anyone you want me to beat up? Some guy you need to chase? D'you need me to torture a prisoner or sumthin'? Or steal some other rich guy's loot?" Akire banged her head on the table, moaning and pulling her hair. After awhile, she said, "Alright, fox, I'll think about it…if you will JUST SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY ROOOOOOOMM!" SLAM! Tasuki rubbed his nose after the double-doors banged shut in front of his face. "What's obaasan's problem?" he snickered.

Just then, a servant ran frantically to Akire's room, banging the door. "Empress! Empress!" the servant wailed. "Empress is busy! Empress is busy!" Tasuki muttered in a sing-song voice. The doors burst open, and Akire ushered the servant in quickly. "Not you, fang-boy! Sit, stay! Thattaboy!" Akire said to Tasuki in mock sweetness, before slamming the doors shut again. "Oni-baba!" he said, spitting the words out of his mouth.

After awhile of panicked shouting from within the room, Akire came out, her hands on her forehead in frustration. "Tasuki," she said in a low voice, "you wanted something to do, right? Good. Flex your muscles, tough-guy, you're on crowd-control duty." The bandit grinned, his left fist punching his right palm excitedly.


	2. Revenge of the Sick!

Chapter 2: Revenge of the Sick!

Previously...Tasuki gets his butt stewed when he falls out of a portal into Akire's kingdom! Akire asks his help with some kind of rebellion. Now, on with the story!

"So tell me again, if you're a big hot-shot empress, how come ya ain't got no bodyguards with ya? I haven't seen a single sentry 'round your place!" Tasuki whispered. "Ssh!" Akire said, putting a finger to her lips. They were hiding behind some wild bushes near the entrance of the palace. Akire peeked first, and gasped as she saw a multitude of males crowding, rushing, trying to break into the palace, all shouting her name. "Heh, some people don't seem too happy with ya warmin' yer butt on the throne," Tasuki said. Akire nodded slowly, keeping her eyes on the angry mob. "There's too many. I…I didn't expect so many!" Akire muttered under her breath. Tasuki grinned, saying, "Don' you worry! Haven't ya learned anythin' since the first time we met? You've got the leader o' the Mt. Leikaku bandits with ya! Those losers ain't got no chance!"

Quietly, they sneaked into the stables and picked two horses. "I know a back way, Tasuki, hey focus!" Akire snapped. Tasuki grumbled and said, "Why'd we have to sneak away? Why can't I just up and burn 'em?" Akire replied, "I don't want them to find me, but I don't want them dead. And you'll only beat them up if we don't have a choice. So they hurried into the nearby woods on horseback. They have gone a considerable distance, when Akire remarked, "Okay, so after awhile we'll be crossing a river-""A RIVER!" Tasuki exclaimed.

"Shh! Shh! Quiet!" Akire said, panicking, but it was too late. The crowd began advancing towards them, first walking slowly, and then breaking into a frantic run. Being on horses, they quickly put some distance between them and their attackers. But they didn't know that the men have posted lookouts inside the woods, which were now jumping out of their hiding places. They surprised the horses so much that Akire's reared up on its hind legs and threw her off. Still on the ground, she was unable to outrun the oncoming crowd.

Tasuki said, "Now THIS requires extreme measures!" Leaping up, backward and off the horse, he landed on one of the men and knocked him out. "Empress said not to burn ya, so I won't burn ya, but she didn't say nuthin' 'bout my fist in your face!" he said in delight, pummeling attacker after attacker. But one of them grabbed a rock and hit Tasuki on the head with it. Incapacitated, everyone then jumped on him one after another like some raging football team trying to maim a quarterback.

Meanwhile, Akire looked anxiously on, seemingly too scared out of her wits to fight them in close quarters. She climbed up a tree branch and shouted, "I'M THE ONE YOU WANT, RIGHT? COME GET ME!" Everyone looked up as they heard her voice, and began to run and climb after her. The minute everyone was up the tree, she blew a kiss towards them and said, "Bye boys!" after which she leaped backwards down the tree. The minute her feet touched ground, she lost no time in dragging unconscious Tasuki to his feet and coaxing him to ride one of the horses. But he was still quite dazed, mumbling, "Ahh, neechan! Get yer ugly hands offa me! I ain't a kid no more!" Akire screamed in his ear, "I'm not your 'neechan'!" and hurriedly climbed on her horse, lifting up the bandit with enormous difficulty.

"Whuh? Hwhat? What happened? AND WHY AM I RIDIN' ON THE SAME HORSE AS YOU?" Tasuki finally came to his senses (after a few minutes of riding with break-neck speed and hitting a tree branch in the process), and found it quite upsetting that a woman took the reins. "Gimme that!" he snapped, snatching the reins from an exasperated Akire. "You know what, Akire?" he said, "You kinda remind me of a little girl named Rei-rei (rest her soul). You're both annoying (though I bet you're more annoying than her)! I thought you got my back down there! What happened to ya, went chicken?" Akire pouted. "Shut up and drive," she muttered.

Finally, they reached the middle of the woods, where a lonely, tattered shed stood. "Okay, princess, I got ya this far, now what?" Tasuki said, rubbing his still aching head. "Oh, geez, whenever I'm around you I get all these serious injuries!" he muttered. "What do we do now? What do we do now?" Akire asked herself, pacing the floor of the shed to and fro, to and fro, fidgeting. "Would you stop!" Tasuki said, getting dizzy from watching her. "Aha! Let's just wait it out here, just wait for them to give up and go home, yeah, that's it, wait and wait, wait and wait," Akire mumbled some more. "Before you drive me crazy, ya hyperactive vixen," Tasuki said, grabbing Akire by the shoulders and shaking her, "lemme ask ya: what did you DO to make 'em so angry at you?" Akire just looked at him, mouth open, muttering, "I…I…I…don't want to tell YOU. It's embarrassing for me." Tasuki, getting really, REALLY pissed, shouted, "WHAT? WHAT THE #! DID YOU DO!" while shaking her really hard.

"STOP IT!" Akire exclaimed, trying to push him away. "Not 'til you answer the damn question!" Tasuki said, still not letting go. "Did you kill someone? Or flirt with someone? Did you steal something, what? Answer me, dammit!" This time, Akire was the one who got mad. "I told you to STOP!" she shouted, hitting him on the stomach with her knee. "Why you little-!" Tasuki gasped, out of breath. As Akire stepped over him, he grabbed her by the ankle, which caused her to trip and land on her face onto the floor. Akire, a lovely, big, bruise blooming on her face, kicked her other foot at Tasuki's face. Now, have you ever seen two incapacitated people who are pissed at each other fight it out while crouching to the ground in agony? Yeah, that's exactly what their sparring match looked like. If those punches and kicks didn't hurt so much, you would've managed a laugh looking at them. Oh, wait, you still can.

Suddenly, the shed trembled, collapsed, as the crowd of angry villagers tore through the ruins like...um...hungry termites. "There she is! And she's frolicking around with a lover!" one of them said angrily. "He's NOT my lover! WHY CAN'T ANYBODY UNDERSTAND THAT!" Akire screamed. Heh, imagine the looks on Akire's and Tasuki's faces that time. "Now look what you did, you flirtatious vixen!" Tasuki yelled, staggering to his feet and carrying Akire over her shoulder. "Let-go-of-me! Lemme go! Get away from me! And I wasn't flirting with you, I was kicking you're aaaAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Akire screamed as she was hoisted over Tasuki's shoulder. "You want to get away from them or not?" Tasuki said as Akire beat him over and over again on his back.

"Hrrg! D-damn you're h-heavy," Tasuki grunted under the strain of Akire's weight, as he struggled out of the ruins and into the open. "Surprised? I'm no Miaka, you idiot," Akire grumbled, "by the way, Tasuki, look out."

"H-huh? WWAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"Told you to look out."

Tasuki fell into a nearby lake, which was mercifully shallow. But of course he didn't realize that at first. "I'm d-drowning!" he sputtered. "This is just pathetic," Akire remarked, shaking her head. But Tasuki's head didn't surface from the water. "Tasuki? Tasuki!" Akire, alarmed, dragged him out of the water and onto dry land. "Tasuki! Say something, for heaven's sake!" Tasuki's eyes opened a wee bit, and then spat out some water onto her face. "H-ha! Ha, ha, ha! Sucker!"

Akire's eyes narrowed, then she smiled as she heard the multitude of mobsters approach. She stood up, waved her hands like a damsel-in-distress and said, "Help me! Help me! This bandit's trying to have his way with me!" The crowd then stopped, changed direction, and rushed at Tasuki, who hasn't managed to stand up yet. "Hey! What gives! You lyin', connivin' vixen! I want some answers!" Tasuki yelled, while trying to dodge kicks, punches and tackles. Akire, her back turned, replied, "First of all, they don't want to attack me." Tasuki scrambled towards her and said, "What? Then why are they chasing you?" Akire whistled and said to the crowd, "I'm tired. Can any of you carry me?" Many of them volunteered, and started beating each other up to get to her. "Because they are my suitors," she said.


	3. Damage Control

Chapter 3: Damage Control

Previously...Akire tells Tasuki that they were actually being chased by her suitors and not some angry mob.

Back at the palace

"What is WRONG with you?" Janes said, pointing an angry finger at Akire. "Sorry, sister, I just, I didn't know how to handle-""-Well you have to learn now! Set a proper example for your people! And who is this, this Tasuki they've spotted with you?" Tasuki peeked in from a window and said, "That would be me." Akire snickered and said, "If you're really Tasuki, raise your hands." He cackled and said, "Hah! I ain't fallin' for that one!" Unfortunately, he pointed two hands at Akire while he said that, so he fell from the window anyway. "Fast, but dumb as a stump," Akire muttered. Janes giggled, and then turned serious again. "Listen, Akire, you know what you're supposed to do, so deal with it...and deal with him."

Outside, Akire paced back and forth while Tasuki indulged himself with a bottle of wine. "B' glad I'ma drunk an' too num' ta feel my legs," he garbled, waving the bottle around, "'cuz if I wasn', I'da strang'led you a long time ago." Akire grabbed the bottle from him and bonked him on the head. "Be quiet, you prattling brat." Breathing a sigh of relief, she plopped down on a bench and brooded. _How am I going to tell a whole empire about Tasuki? They probably won't believe me if I told the truth, either. It's not like I should make him wear a large sign that says "I'm NOT the empress' consort"! Hmm...That's not such a bad idea_. She gleefully imagined Tasuki hung up on a pole like a billboard waving a large banner with those words printed on it while wearing a pink, fluorescent tutu. _Nah_. Trying to look for inspiration, she imagined Hotohori..._wait! Not THAT kind of inspiration, you stupid love-struck vixen_! Glancing at Tasuki's dozing form, she hatched an idea.

Tasuki woke up with Akire's face smiling whimsically really close to his face. "GAAH!"

He yelled, jumping back in surprise. "Don't DO that, woman!" he exclaimed when he got his bearings. Akire continued to smile, this time hugging him with one arm. "Heyyy, buddy!" she said, punching him playfully on the shoulder, "how's my best buddy-bud pal in the world, huh?" Tasuki scratched his head and replied, "Uh...just...fine, I guess, except when I fell back there and bumped—wait a minute," he looked at her suspiciously, "are you trying to tell me somethin'?" Akire shrugged, seemingly surprised. "Nothing! Just wanted to see how my flame-wielding friend's holding up. I mean, you drank a lot of booze back there." Tasuki narrowed his eyes at her. "Something's not right here...why are you being so nice to me?"

Akire raised an eyebrow. "Geez, Tasuki, if I were you I'd have figured it out by now! You thick-skulled drunkard buffoon! I NEED A FAVOR!" Tasuki eyes twitched angrily as he pointed his finger at her and said, "First of all...that's more like it. Secondly...THAT'S NO WAY TO ASK FOR A FAVOR! You stop yelling at me first, and then we talk about a favor!" Akire rubbed her temples and sighed. "Alright, alright, I'll stop with the scolding. Now, what do you want in exchange for this favor?" Tasuki smiled mischievously.

"Uhh, empress," a servant scratched his head as he gestured at Tasuki's room. Akire looked at the large crate of wine bottles being wheeled into his room and sighed. "Don't ask." Once the servant had left, she headed into Tasuki's room. "Well?" she asked, her arms folded, surveying the unsightly mess of empty wine bottles and gold trinkets inside. "SURE!" Tasuki yelled his face red from all the drinking. He swung around the bottle, spilling large amounts of its contents onto the floor to Akire's distaste. He wrapped his free arm around Akire's shoulders and shoved the bottle towards her. "ANYTHING FOR MY BEST PAL IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!" he continued, almost spilling wine onto Akire's dress. "WANT SOME?" he asked, still shoving the bottle towards her. "Noooo, thank you," she replied, pushing him away.

When the seishi had (mostly) shaken off his humongous hangover, Akire took him on a quick tour around the castle. "Hey...hey! Pay attention!" Akire said, snapping her fingers in front of his face. Tasuki, irritated, waved them away. "Whatsis gotta do with this favor you're asking of me?" Akire dodged the question, dragging him to the armory. Once there, she dug up some kind of sentry armor and shoved it towards Tasuki. "Get used to patrolling the castle and wearing that, because for the next few weeks you're going to be my new bodyguard!" she announced gleefully.

Tasuki dropped the armor, which unfortunately landed on his feet. "DAMN!" he shouted. "What? You're bodyguard? Hey, Tasuki ain't nobody's posse!" Akire poked a spear at his nose. "We had an agreement. Weeks' supply of wine and treasure in exchange for my favor, whatever it may be," she said. "What...you had it down on paper or somethin'?" Tasuki angrily sputtered. Akire smiled, pulling out a piece of paper. "And this is why I don't ever want to get drunken senseless," she said, pointing to an unintelligible scrawl on the bottom. "While you were drinking your day away, I took advantage of your drunken stupor and made you sign a written agreement," she said triumphantly. Tasuki's eyes narrowed. "IIIII hate yooouuu..."

"I hate yoouuuu..." Tasuki whispered sinisterly as he stood uncomfortably beside Akire on the balcony. "I hate you, and I'll throttle you in your sleep." Akire hissed, "Be quiet, bodyguard I have to make it official." A crowd had gathered below already. "Alright, quiet! Uh, I mean, silence please," Akire shouted, "as all of you know, there's been a misunderstanding yesterday about the suitors, and I would like to apologize for any inconveniences." Many men in body casts and bandages murmured and shook their head. "Yes, um, we'll pay for your med bills, no need to worry," Akire muttered apologetically.

"Now, I'd like to address this, this 'lover' business. I do not tolerate rumors of that magnitude around here, so I'm here to dispel them before it blows out of proportion." More murmurs erupt from the crowd, some even pointing towards Tasuki. "Get on with it, it's gettin' hot in this armor!" the seishi whispered from the corner of his mouth. Akire beckoned him to come forward. "This is my newly appointed bodyguard. I wanted to orient him on the security situation around the palace." All heads turned towards her and Tasuki, eyes wide. "Yeah, I know, it was a surprise to me, too," Tasuki muttered, followed by a swift jab from Akire's elbow. A servant entered, bowed before Akire and whispered something in her ear. Akire muttered a command before heading back inside. Tasuki, having no reason to stay outside where the people scrutinized him, followed her.

"What now... Your Highness?" Tasuki said, the reality that he's finally required to say that royal title finally dawning on him. Walking briskly, she replied, "I'm meeting with some of the province leaders...and the 'opposition'. Cowards. They're oozing with desire to rule this kingdom, yet they never reveal their intentions, resorting instead to layer upon layer of deceptions."

She paused, shaking her head, a hollow, emotionless laugh ensuing from her. "They are most concerned about this suitor business because they want one of their own to marry me and secure the throne." Tasuki caught a gleam on her eye that sent a chill down his spine. He tried to shake it off by saying, "Heh. Politics. Never had much interest in it. Geez, am I glad I never had to deal with that." Akire's sinister mood vanished as she asked, "But...you're the leader of the Mt. Leikaku bandits, right?"

"...so?"

"So? Don't tell me you didn't have to deal with leadership issues, good governance, and etcetera etcetera?"

"Oh, yeah, stuff like that, yeah, but not that much."

"Really now?" Akire raised an eyebrow. "You never go to great lengths to keep things in check?" Tasuki patted the tessen and grinned. "With this baby, I never have to!" Akire pretended to think and said, "Oh, let's see now...this fat bandit once took over your merry men, am I right?" Tasuki seethed, pointing the iron fan at her. "Oh yes, Tasuki, Nuriko told me more than enough back at my last...visit," Akire sneered. "Crap, that guy has a mouth like a rattle!" Tasuki fumed. Akire looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Guy? Nuriko's a woman."

"No he ain't. Didn't you know?"

For the rest of their walk towards the conference room Akire's been mostly silent, the What-the-hell-what-did-he-just-tell-me kind of silence.

"So the prodigal empress returns," a sneering, thin man said. Empress and Unimpressed had just entered the conference room as all the province leaders sat around an oval table. "I never left," Akire said coldly. Tasuki cracked his knuckles and said, "Wan' me to straighten him out, Aki---Empress?" Akire, despite the fact that she knows this was no time for amusement, smiled at him and patted his shoulder. "Oh no need, O faithful guardian, I can handle things for now."

The man who addressed her earlier looked towards his companions and said, "Feh. Barbaric fellow." Another man from across the table pointed a finger at him and said, "You're every bit as cynical as your grandfather, Gan. No wonder the empress' ancestor exiled him." Gan replied, "You always were a good little soldier, Kalil. I wager your wife, the Empress' sister, always sees to that, hmm?" Kalil growled menacingly as he gripped the sides of his chair. Suddenly, a loud thud echoed throughout the room. All heads turned to Akire as she retrieved the dagger that she threw down at the table tip-first. "If I can recall correctly, we're here for a civilized conversation. You two, unless you want me to treat you both like you were a hundred years old again I suggest you act your age. Most especially you, Gan, none of your cynicisms for today."

Tasuki was just about to bolt the door shut when he caught pieces of the conversation. 100 years old? Geez, how old do these people get? And how old IS Akire? He watched as Akire seated herself at the head of the table and began reviewing some paperwork laid out before her. "Now, I want the reports on province security as of—""—when will you marry?" Gan interjected. Akire looked up from her paperwork and fixed him with a menacing stare.

Another man said, "Actually, Highness, we ALL are a bit curious about this. With all due respect you HAVE to address this problem with utmost care." Kalil added, "Of course that doesn't necessarily mean she needs to consider marriage proposals from your side of the family, Gan." All the other province heads chuckled. They knew too well that half of the nobles proposing to Her Majesty were from Gan's clan. Even Akire couldn't resist giggling.

Gan, however, just fanned himself, saying, "Oh, who knows? I remember her Majesty wasting her time on a felon." Everyone fell silent once more. Never forgotten, too, was Akire's brief relationship with Ikegai. Tasuki, having been 'acquainted' with Ikegai previously, bristled at Gan for bringing up old hurts. And Akire has to deal with these everyday, he thought. Already he can see her rubbing her temples in frustration. "She seems so...old," he muttered. Akire banged her fist on the table but remained silent. Tasuki saw her angry, desperate expression and grasped her shoulder to calm her down. "Keep it together, Akire, don' let him get to ya," he whispered.

This gesture, unfortunately, wasn't taken for granted by the rest. "Your Majesty...this man. What IS he to you, really?" a man named Arden said. "A friend. And as I have said before he is my new bodyguard," Akire replied.

"How can we be sure you two aren't lovers?"

"Oh please, Arden."

"You two seem too fond of each other," another said.

"Not you, too! I told you, there's nothing else!"

"We need assurance. So do the nobles. Give us a reason why you two aren't lovers."

"...because he's gay."

"Y-you mean...?"

"Yes...because he's in love with a man named Hotohori..."

Tasuki almost fell backwards right then and there but of course he couldn't say anything about it. Biting his tongue, it took all his willpower to keep from grabbing his tessen and picking a fight with her right then and there. "Akire...too far, Akire..." The leaders were trying to keep from staring at him, too.

Arden was flabbergasted, though. "Ehh...well, if you, ah, put it that way then, ahem! Right then, okay." Gan said, "Well? What do we CALL him? Or is he just 'guardian'?" Akire was fumbling for details right now, trying not to panic. The first thing that came to her mind was..."Nuriko. His name's Nuriko." Tasuki was really on the brink right now. Gan frowned. "Sounds like a woman's name." Akire replied with a nervous laugh, "Ahh, hehe, you know, ah, men like him, they prefer it that way." Gan's seatmate nudged him with the elbow. "What? It's not the first time a...ah...someone like him steps foot in the castle. No need to be so, uh, awkward about it." An uncomfortable silence passed before Gan finally broke the silence.

"Now that we've put that aside," he began, "you MUST consider the marriage proposals! An emperor-less empire has never happened before! Who knows what kind of repercussions might happen if they find out you won't be looking for a consort." Akire frowned. "We will discuss this another time." Gan shook his head as he departed. "That's what you said the last time!" he angrily muttered not even waiting to be dismissed. Akire, too emotionally drained to deal with it now, waved her hand to dismiss the others. Kalil, however, stayed. Akire smiled. "I'm alright. You better head back to Janes," she said. Kalil bowed and left.

Akire sat down, head bowed and hands resting limply at the sides of her chair. Tasuki shifted uncomfortably and said, "Uhh...well...that went well." Akire looked at him with an exasperated expression. "So, what now? I don't think ya plan to lock yourself in here for the rest of your life," Tasuki continued, "besides, I gotta eat! I'm not your real bodyguard anyway, a'right?" As he waited for a response, he looked at the open door and blinked. "_That's weird...there's a little pale girl at the door_..." he thought, but before he could tell Akire the girl disappeared. "It's probably my stomach protesting...over the fact that I haven't eaten yet! Akire! Snap outta it already! I'm gonna die of hunger!"


	4. We're Getting Restless

Chapter 4: We're Getting Restless

a/n: so sorry for long delay, school stuff, you know. Now it's Christmas break, and hopefully I can post more!

Previously... Akire tricks Tasuki into pretending to be her bodyguard. Tasuki sees Akire's chaotic duties...and thinks he saw something that doesn't belong there.

Mt. Leikaku

You got to feel sorry for Chichiri. Just a few hours ago he saw Tasuki fall down into a hole that appeared out of thin air; now he's facing an irrational Kouji, who's taking his anger and frustration out on our favorite masked magician. "How—how can he DISAPPEAR just like that, huh?" Kouji yelled, brandishing a dagger at Chichiri. "Calm down, no da," he told Tasuki's second-in-command. "No I won't calm down! I thought you've got some magic mumbo-jumbo that can bring him outta this mess!" Kouji yelled some more, throwing breakable stuff everywhere but mostly in Chichiri's direction. Of course, he dodged the items quite easily.

"You're being unreasonable, Kouji-san," Chichiri said, "I'm not responsible in any way for Tasuki's disappearance." He stepped closer to the bewildered bandit, avoiding a particularly large clay pot in the process. "Oh dear...that must've cost a fortune, no da," Chichiri mumbled, looking at the broken pot. "It's not that, Chichiri! A rival bandit group popped up just on the other side of town, and we need Tasuki's firepower! They command a whole damn legion rivaling any emperor's troop!" Kouji shouted. "They're getting' restless! Any day now they'll send a challenge! 'Course we won't back down, but geez we know when the odds are against us." Chichiri was lost in thought now. "All this is so...strange," he thought, "it seems like the sort of thing that Akire deals with. If only I knew where she was right now, but ever since she left..."

"...ever since I left, things seemed so boring," Akire said, looking at Tasuki with pleading eyes. "...so, please, DON'T make me change my OPINION of you!" It was another stressful day, and Akire had to rouse Tasuki really early in the morning to begin his pretend-duties as bodyguard. "It's an unholy hour, Empress, and a man needs approximately eight hours of sleep," the bandit said, head buried in his pillow. Akire muttered, "Does grogginess make a person smarter, because you sound like a documentary guy."

"Whazzadocumentary? If ya gonna bore me with useless details then---yyYYYYYAIIIIIIII!" He was cut short when a bucketful of icy water got splashed all over him. "Alright, alright you hothead, I'm comin'!" he yelled, after falling out of bed in surprise. Akire nodded before striding out of the room and waiting by the door for Tasuki to ready himself.

The bandit grumbled as he wringed his wet clothes dry. "Stupid...dammit! Arrrr...what an old woman!" he continued to rant. "Good thing...coat not wet...stupid, stupid. Baa—kaa!" he mumbled at the direction of the door. Suddenly, he hatched an idea when he saw his room window open. "Sorry, 'Empress', but I ain't gonna be your gay-gal-pal," he murmured, sniggering as he carefully climbed out. After that, it was only a matter of carefully dodging the servants outside the castle and he was free. With a triumphant yell, he dashed off into the throng of early morning crowds.

Tasuki shook his head, seeing his reflection on a nearby mirror in the market. "Tsk, havta ditch this outfit if she's lookin' for me," he mumbled. Then he saw from another stall blue pants that looked like jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. He also spotted a cap. "Hey cool," he said, grinning mischievously. "I'll charge it on Akire's tab."

"Tasuki, if you don't come out I swear, I SWEAR, I'll come in whether you're undressed or not!" Akire yelled, leaning against the door. "Oh, silent treatment won't work on me, mister, women have learned that trick long before you men did." Silence. Akire rolled her eyes. "Do I really have to do this?" she groaned, bursting into the door. Get ready for..."TAAAAAAAAAASUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Tasuki winced and rubbed his ears as someone nearby dropped a large bag of noisy pans, but he went on his merry way. "Now, where to go, where to go?" he said, scratching his head but taking care that his flame-red hair is safely concealed under the cap. He had left his old clothes behind and has already eaten in five food stalls (the shop owners scratch their heads in wonder as to why their bowls of porridge have suddenly disappeared). But now he's getting seriously bored and seriously anxious. "Am I gonna be stuck here forever?" he mumbled desperately. "I don't think I can go back to Akire's palace right now, she'll have me killed! Where'm I gonna stay till she gets over her royal anger? Geez, I sound corny..."

Back on the, uh, other side, Chichiri knew this was a very serious situation, one that definitely required Tasuki's help. Using his chi, he concentrated on trying to communicate with the other seishi, but instead found himself staring at a strange orb of light. On the other side, Akire too stood transfixed at the light. "AKIRE!" Chichiri yelled, startled when he saw her image in the orb. "Ch—chi—chichir—chhhh..." Akire, probably out of shock (but most probably out of high blood pressure) collapsed.

When she came to a few minutes later, a ghostly image of Chichiri stood over her. "Relax, Akire," he said, fanning her. Akire, for a moment, followed his advice, and then it all came back to her. "Relax? RELAX! How can I relax with that miserable cretin bounding around pick-pocketing innocent bystanders? I'm doomed, Chichiri, DOOMED!" "My, everyone seems so high-strung today!" he remarked, helping Akire to sit up. "Thank you, but right now I need to be helped into some armor. I want to do some serious butt-kicking today, preferably belonging to a red-headed, fang-toothed trasher."

"You must be the Empress' new bodyguard," said a female voice behind Tasuki. "Yeah, what's it to ya?" he snapped, turning around. A teenage girl with blond hair stood with her hands behind her back. "That's weird, they told me you were, um," she looked at him awkwardly, unable to find the words. Tasuki remembered Akire's ruse and (wonder of wonders!) due to some unexplained impulse he decided to give her a break and go with it. He (with an iron gut and a will of steel) swayed his hips and spoke in a higher pitch. "Uh...why? Does it mean that I'm gay and I havta act like the way you see those other bimbos and dragsters?" The girl giggled, unsure how to speak to him. "Uhm, sorry ma'am, I mean, sir, I mean...what do I call you?" "Nuriko," he said, extremely loathing himself right now. "Don't wear it out...dear." _This...is...disgusting_, he thought.

The girl led him down more streets and busy corners. "My name's Yna, nice to meet you Nuriko," she said, "though it's always nice meeting someone concerned enough for Her Majesty's health. Tell me, what's she like?" Tasuki paused. "She's...a'right," he replied, girlishly curling a strand of hair around his finger while silently reproaching himself. Yna smiled.

Suddenly, Tasuki hid behind Yna, dragging her away. "Palace guards!" he said. "Why are you worried about Akire's palace guards?" she asked. Tasuki groaned. _Being gay is so_ _difficult_, he thought. "I..um...flirted with one of the guards and now they're after me." Yna giggled. "That's good enough for me." Tasuki wanted to ditch Yna and run for it, but she might tell on him, so she I mean he grabbed her and yanked her out of sight.

"I want him dea—I mean, alive! Alive, so I can kill him myself!" Akire screeched, strapping her sword to her leather belt. "Really, Akire, isn't that a bit much?" Chichiri said, concerned. "Look, Chichiri, he's your best pal, I know," Akire said, "but he's causing me a lot of grief right now! Doesn't he realize how many enemies I have, how many men are waiting for me to slip up? If I don't find that plague-on-two-legs I'm done for!"

_Weird,_ Tasuki thought as he ran for his life, _somethin' feels...familiar. CHICHIRI! HEY, CHICHIRI, YOU THERE! IF YOU ARE...GET ME OUTTA HERE! _ "Uhm...Yna dear, when I said urgent, I meant run faster honey," he said. But it was no use; he was cornered. "Alrigh' you losers, doncha make me use this!" He brought out his tessen and laughed...nay...cackled is more like it, in triumph. "Wahehehe, howja like me now, huh? Howja like me now?" he snickered, letting tongues of flame dance around his tessen. Then the guards parted into flanks of two as a shadow ominously headed towards him. Tasuki prepped up the tessen. "Jus' come get me you ugly li'l—ohhhh crap." A very irate and irrational (not to mention inconsolable) Akire greeted him from the other end, sword in hand and a not-so-pleasant expression on her face. "Let's dance, you bozo," she said, a wicked snicker on her face.


End file.
